Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Creating Space

Creating Space
Sitting here shivering while waiting for my 9:20 class to start on a cold wooden bench and all I CAN THINK ABOUT IS YOU. I don't have anything else on my mind. Why is that? Because you are not perfect and I am not perfect, but we seem to fit ever so perfectly like the last piece of the puzzle waiting to be snapped together. You are not the only thing that is on my mind while I sip my watered down strawberry drink from Starbucks, because I do not EVER let myself focus on one thing. I do not let myself fixate on one memory, thought, person, or event longer than deserved. I have learned to let things go, to an extent, because it is only hurting me in the long run. I have had my share of sleepless nights because of a conversation that happened weeks before, or a conversation I am dreading that might happen weeks down the line. I can now say you are on my mind  BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO ALLOW MYSELF TO. I can now say I can recall a memory because I wanted to, and not because you walked into my mind like an unwanted weed like in a garden. I do not say this as a bad thing, but as a realization. A realization of becoming  a better me because I wanted to become a better me, and not because anyone said I had to. Not saying that you don't make me a better me, but you make me a better me because I allow you to. 

Sitting outside the classroom and while typing this FIVE minutes have gone by, and  in the blink an eye. This is how I fixate on a problem or an issue, not by lashing out or having a sleepless night. I  want to start writing more as an outlet to my thoughts, concerns, and problems. This was not a way to get any anger out, but to make sure if I do have any it won't rot in my body anymore like it used to. This is for all the times ANYONE HAS EVER created a block in my heart or a seed in my chest. 

I seem to find so much love in everyone and everything I have encompassed in the last year because why create more unwanted hate. I have seemed to let you into my heart, like the butterflies that seem to find a way in as well. 
I have let you in and until you want to let go, you will be here for a while. So let someone else have a piece of my mind. 

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