Thursday, February 23, 2017

Cant love others unless you commit to loving yourself

You cannot commit to loving others if you can't commit to loving yourself. I love myself like the leaves love snow, and like the hairs on your head love the hard heavy hands. I do think it is essential to love yourself before you can love something else or someone else. I found that out the hard way  when I finally started seeing the beauty in the world and how some of the beauty was created from me. from me. I started to see that I can be beautiful, and not with the packing of foundation or plucking of my eyebrows, but whats in the outside screaming to come out and make a statement. My beauty in the inside was competing with the outside to show me what matters the most and I couldn't see what was going on. I was and still am fighting to see what I love about myself and if that love is the same love for the person who shares a pillow with me? Is it the same love? I did not know , but at this moment I do know. I know I can love myself just as much as I love someone else, but to love myself more. the scale should be tipped a little more than the other side. I am on one side of the scale and she , and he, and they are on the other. I know it should never be off balanced as it was before, and I intend on keeping it that way. I intend on loving the world and her, and her, and them, and him a little less than I love myself. I want to take care of my self, because if I fall then I won't be tall enough to help anyone else. Put on your mask before you put on someone's mask, Put on your seat belt before you put on someone else's. Save yourself before you can save someone else and it simple as that, Love yourself before you can love someone else. Find someone to love more than yourself and you will know what I am talking about.

These photos are a glimpse inside I really am, and most people do not know who I really am because they only see the outside, and do not take the time to see the inside unfold. There is a lot to unfold and I cannot wait to find out for myself.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

~Mulan Rouge~ a world of Fashion: Creating Space

~Mulan Rouge~ a world of Fashion: Creating Space: Creating Space Sitting here shivering while waiting for my 9:20 class to start on a cold wooden bench and all I CAN THINK ABOUT IS YOU....

Creating Space

Creating Space
Sitting here shivering while waiting for my 9:20 class to start on a cold wooden bench and all I CAN THINK ABOUT IS YOU. I don't have anything else on my mind. Why is that? Because you are not perfect and I am not perfect, but we seem to fit ever so perfectly like the last piece of the puzzle waiting to be snapped together. You are not the only thing that is on my mind while I sip my watered down strawberry drink from Starbucks, because I do not EVER let myself focus on one thing. I do not let myself fixate on one memory, thought, person, or event longer than deserved. I have learned to let things go, to an extent, because it is only hurting me in the long run. I have had my share of sleepless nights because of a conversation that happened weeks before, or a conversation I am dreading that might happen weeks down the line. I can now say you are on my mind  BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO ALLOW MYSELF TO. I can now say I can recall a memory because I wanted to, and not because you walked into my mind like an unwanted weed like in a garden. I do not say this as a bad thing, but as a realization. A realization of becoming  a better me because I wanted to become a better me, and not because anyone said I had to. Not saying that you don't make me a better me, but you make me a better me because I allow you to. 

Sitting outside the classroom and while typing this FIVE minutes have gone by, and  in the blink an eye. This is how I fixate on a problem or an issue, not by lashing out or having a sleepless night. I  want to start writing more as an outlet to my thoughts, concerns, and problems. This was not a way to get any anger out, but to make sure if I do have any it won't rot in my body anymore like it used to. This is for all the times ANYONE HAS EVER created a block in my heart or a seed in my chest. 

I seem to find so much love in everyone and everything I have encompassed in the last year because why create more unwanted hate. I have seemed to let you into my heart, like the butterflies that seem to find a way in as well. 
I have let you in and until you want to let go, you will be here for a while. So let someone else have a piece of my mind. 

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Week 6

It has come down to the final weeks of the trimester and it is unreal because time flew  with the blink of an eye. I am planning on graduating a year earlier than my expected graduation date so this is showing me how fast my college years are going to go and it is bittersweet. The school work at times got hectic, but I could always handle it.That is why I took on the challenge of taking 5 classes for winter trimester. I had chaotic 3 months but that didn't stop me from adding another class and wanting to push myself to greatness.

I have been looking into more options for this summer other than going back and working because I know that is something I cannot do! I want to leave the nest this summer and work on my career because before I know it I will be competing with others to get my dream job. One thing that is great is the fact that I already work with my dream company, which is a foot in the door before others even have a chance. But the sad thing is that now that I am being exposed to others professions and options I want to venture off into another part of the industry. Travel is a major thing for me in life and I want to work somewhere that I can travel. Working as a visual merchandiser is not only for stores, but for magazines, websites, and television. I think taking the visual merchandising  class will be a great opportunity to see if it is something I would like to do or not and then can eliminate if not. I just know that I want to dabble in more than one thing because that is just who I am. I am someone who wants to taste all the flavors before I pick one and in Fashion that is never a bad thing. On average americans have 12 job changes during their career! In conclusion I am closer to my hopes and dreams and it is exciting yet mushy and terrifying!

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

I am in MacroEconomics Class

Hello, My fellow humans!

I am writing to you (Internet, possibly no one) because it has been about 2 months since I have blogged. Again I will present an excuse why: School has taken over my life, but I am okay with that. College was worth the headaches, tears, exhaustion, thousands of dollars for me. I took so much out of college here at Johnson and Wales University , and it was not just the lessons in textiles, or failures in economics class, but the intangible lessons I have learned.
Along my journey I met some friends along the way, and that was one hell of a ride.  Many of females who come from all different backgrounds, experiences, keep it simple states. It was always a bad Girls Club session/ Dr.Phil/Oprah session with them! I have experience growing up with a chaotic household with my own sisters and mother. There was never a dull moment in my household and during this year it wasn't any different. If there was a dull moment then I knew something was off. I cut myself off from the college life at the beginning because of feeling alone, and not being able to be myself 100% with the beliefs and opinions around me. I learned to break out that saddened bubble and make this year a great one; it was a great one. I  would have not rated it for anything because in this year I have found myself and am still finding myself at this very moment.  As well as finding friends , I lost some as well. Like they say college is when you find your real friends. I learned to be open to new things, and possibilities. I don' always have to be in control and I have now learned that.. Maybe just with friends lol! But yes I let myself go and have met some really amazing people and experienced things that I will not or can not take back/ regret!

Basically this year was a great freshman year from going to the RISD Museum almost every other Sunday, the Rhianna Concert, first gay club, first club at that, brunch on Sundays, making pottery (like the scene in Ghost), going to NY, mall everyday, Netflix nights, group projects with some strange characters, breaking my phone, coolest winter ever, wahoo( carnival), and some love and loss.

I thank my family for being along this journey with me and for allowing me to have this opportunity! All I can say is go to College! It is great to be able to have your own freedom and take it and run!

Dear College, Freshman Year,  Friends,  Professors, Family

Thank You

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Taken By Surprise

I used to like surprises until I realized  I can control what becomes a surprise. Control is one of the things I struggle with ; basically for all of my life. Controlling how my day goes, controlling what I eat, controlling how and when I send money, and many other actions I can control. Because  the world, meaning higher being,  has control over me, ultimately I cannot  continue to stress but learn to enjoy life. Life is very short and like my other blog posts I have realized that. That obstacles are going to come my way and what I have experienced will  assist me in throwing an obstacle back. 

From family to friends and professors I have been taken by surprise and that is a great feelings. The feeling you get when you see that passing grade on your exam knowing you did not study an ounce. Or that feeling you get when you hear you might be an aunt, or the person you love is not in your typical agenda. Not all surprises are enjoyable, but they are not expected and that is what life is all about. When you go one way, Life ' God" throws a curve ball, and you have to take that surprise by the throat and finish it off. (Sorry for being vish) 

I have been taken by surprise may times in the last two years, from my grandfather passing, to not getting into my dream school after graduation. In my case both of those surprises sucked, yes sucked. 

But I have also had great surprises, from meeting new friends in college, getting my  first internship, to finding another human I very much enjoy. I loved being taken by surprise in these cases because they make me me, and I know will lead into bigger and better things. Finding someone you really enjoy their company is rare, but amazing when it happens. Someone you can really find comfort in, have deeper and intellectual conversations, and be happy when you are around them. We all have that one person, for some they haven't found that person, or  have met a few of these people. I have met a few of the people, but fortunately this is different. I am taken by the surprise but he way they carry themselves, treat others, have grown up, make sacrifices, and are ready for the obstacles to be thrown their way. The best thing about this is that , that is how I have always wanted to be growing up. Every characteristic they  I have wanted and still do want. That doesn't mean I want to be someone that I am not, but that they are  taken by surprise but make a challenge, and party out of it. 

So being taken by surprise is positive for me and I hope to be taken by surprise many more times, because that is what makes life exciting. I love being taken by surprise and I will be overtime I see their face, walk out my room, or go to class. 

Be Taken  By Surprise